The threat violence at the hands of Grant Hairyson has increased with the convenor of selectors being woken up in the middle of the night with abusive messages on his cell phone. Using the red24 alert system Grant was able to cunningly disguise his messages behind the possiblilty of earthquakes in the unpopulated pacific or a bomb explosion in a suicide bomber’s work-shed in Iraq. The messages hinted at the devastation that Grant would inflict on the selectors and warned that hell has no vengeance like a frustrated-first-team-cricketer-who-can’t-get-into-an-action-cricket-team-because-of-a-daft-rotation-policy. Grant agreed that the adaptation of the famous quote was a bit clumsy but indicated that it had not gone through the entire editorial procedure of three editors, an analyst rewrite and a further check through by editorial. When approached for comment, Grant complained that since he made the coffee every morning he would have expected to play more that one game. He said, ‘I mean, I even make it in the coffee filter machine thingy, none of that instant rubbish. I don’t think anyone appreciates what I have to go through… there is that annoying plastic thing which keeps falling off and then the coffee leaks when you pour the cup.’ His voice increased as his frustration started to show, ‘I mean bru, you don’t know what its like to be me out here for you, it is an up at dawn pride swallowing siege which I will never fully tell you about’. He then went on to ask if anyone had noticed his use of language in that outburst. ‘I used repetition, i floated opposites and now I will end with one that is not like the others. I was in a lift club with Graeme Smith and I bowled to Pat Symcox then I was 15’. That should leave no doubt to his feelings, but if there was any, his final musings would not, ‘Somebody’s going to emergency or somebody going to jail’, he thoughtfully injected.
No comments:
Post a Comment